My mom lives like 3 hours away, and it kills me not having her around. When I moved out she moved out too, so my dad and little brother live only 15 min away.

I haven’t realised the impact of not having a mother around to just knock on the door to, until this week. I mean, she is alive and that’s a blessing, but it sucks doing EVERYTHING on your own when you’re only 19. I’m not the only one and I probably shouldn’t complain because I have a mother, I know this, but it hurts having 5 doctors appointments a week, and having to go BY YOURSELF. It sucks having anxiety attacks in the middle of the night when it’s just you and your dog and no one else to help you.

She offered me to move into her new place. An estate. A fucking estate. I would have 5 to 10 stables to fill with whatever horse I want. I would have my own little (well not really little..) house on her land, and I could do whatever I want because she doesn’t want me to finish this school year so that I could set some things straight in my head (it’s been a heavy year for all of us..). So she would get me a job somewhere at a stable, or let me have my own stable at the property.

If I stay, I would have my horse and my dog anyway. I would have the constant stress and anxiety caused by nothing but the most stupidest school EVER. And let me tell you, I’m not lying, I’ve been to 6 different schools en this one is just.. I can’t even explain how bad..

But if I do go.. I would lose friends, this I know for certain.

Sorry to bother you, whoever is reading this. I just had to get it out..